i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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