How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
