Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
