my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Dear god my vagina.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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