i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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