Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
