I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
