I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
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The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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