I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
