did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
