Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
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Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
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No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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