Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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