There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
