I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I could make wine with my vomit
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
