I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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