found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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