it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
