Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
