My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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