dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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