I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
