Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
