I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
