So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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