Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
