Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
