I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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