No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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