Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
