Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
