if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
