Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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