Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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