sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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