Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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