I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
