I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
