now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Randomize
