I met the friendliest cop last night
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
