wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
