Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
