Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
