Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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