It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
