Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
