So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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