when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
