Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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