I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
