the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Enjoy the penises
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
