do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
