I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
