Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
