I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
