I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
