Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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