Nicole vs. Life
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
