Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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