a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
