I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
