Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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