if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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