i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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