Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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