I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
