ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
