Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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