stop calling my apartment porn island.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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