the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
