I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
