i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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