the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
